The Past, the Present And the Parents
by StoryTimez
Summary: AU. Shawn was abused physically, mentally and sexually by his mother when he was a child, he never told anyone. WARNING: Depression, suicidal ideation, sexual abuse (of a child), and self harm. Possible Shassie. First time writing a story, so i appreciate reviews!
1. 1984

**1984**

Seven year old Shawn Spencer ran up the steps to his house after a long day at school, both of his parents were supposed to be at work so he was hoping to skip out on his homework and go to his best friend's, Gus', house. As he slid open the door and started inside, he stopped in his tracks. There was his mother and father sitting at the table, his dad reading the paper while his mom sipped at a lemonade and read through the mail. A twinge of disappointment and a whole lot of fear surged through him... He probablywouldn't be going to Gus' today. "Hi Goose! How was school today?" Shawn looked at his mom as she spoke, he hated when she acted so nice. It only happened when other people were around. He glanced at his father, who was still focused on his paper (reading the Police-Beat, no doubt) before responding with what he knew she wanted to hear, even if it was a lie. _School's great. My teachers love me. I'm getting all A's, blah blah blah. _ His father looked at him skeptically but decided to ignore the part about it being great, he knew his son didn't like school very much and arguing with him about it brought no progress. He decided long ago to just make sure he gets his work done and done well, after all, he was a very smart kid. "Do you have any homework, Shawn?" He said, putting the paper down. Shawn knew his dad could see through his lies, but tried anyways, "Nope! Mrs. Marcsom was out sick today so we had this really old guy for a sub who doesn't like to give kids homework because he thinks it's wrong to keep kids from going outside on nice days and-" his dad cut him off with the wave of a hand, "you're rambling Shawn, no go upstairs and do your homework!" And with that he went back to his paper. Shawn's shoulders slumped a bit as he picked his backpack up once more and slung it over his shoulder "okaaaaay, fine. But if I finish early can I please go to Gus'?" Madeline Spencer pursed her lips too quickly for anyone to notice, anyone except for Shawn. Her look of anger and annoyance was gone as fast as it appeared, and she smiled warmly as she cupped Shawn's cheek. Shawn tried not to flinch and pull away as she stroked his jawline in what seemed to be an affectionate way, but was really quite hard, and spoke. "Of course honey, but be you'll have to be picked up at seven so you can wash up and get ready for bed." She let go and he attempted to bolt from the kitchen to his own room but before he could, Henry clapped his shoulder and brought him in for a side-hug. "Bring your homework down here before you leave so I can look over it, okay?" Shawn nodded in affirmation and left.

Once he reached his room, he threw his backpack on the bed and closed his door. He sat on his bed and pulled out his math homework, but he couldn't focus on it. He subconsciously dug his fingers into them palms of his hands, a habit he picked up after the abuse started. Any time he thought about it, he'd squeeze his hand together until he was no longer focusing on the memories and pain, but on the indentions his nails made on his skin. He sighed and picked up his pencil, he needed to finish it if he wanted to go to Gus', and he *really* wanted to go to his house.

A little over an hour later, Shawn was jumping down the stairs two at a time with his completed paper in hands. "SHAWN! What did I tell you about jumping down the stairs? You could break your leg!" his father yelled from the couch without having to even look up. Shawn stopped where he was and then continued down at an agonizingly slow pace, "okay dad, I'll be reeeeally carefulllllll" he drawled, his voice sounding like a toy running out of batteries. Henry huffed, and snatched the paper from his child's hand. As he headed back to his seat Shawn straightened up and followed him, realizing that his antics just delayed his play time. They spent the next few minutes correcting problems and after what felt like forever to a seven year old, his dad finally gave him the okay to go to his friend's. "Good job kiddo, let's go drop you off at the Guster's." Shawn smiled at the rare compliment from his dad, he always knew his father was proud of him, but he didn't say it often. With a quick, uncomfortable goodbye to his mom (who would be picking him up from the Guster's, *so be outside at seven young man!*) he settled himself in his dad's truck.

It was 7:04 when Shawn stepped out of Gus' doorway, waving goodbye to the family. "I'll see you tomorrow, Gus!" Shawn exclaimed, with his fist held towards his best friend. "You know that's right!" Gus replied, happily connecting his fist to Shawn's. As he was about to say goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Guster, his mother stepped out of her car, "come on sweetie! It's getting late!" Shawn looked up at the cheerful voice and his smile faded a little, he'd forgotten who was picking him up. "See you tomorrow Shawn" Mr. Guster said with a hint of disapproval in his voice (Gus' parents never really did like Shawn, and he couldn't figure out why) as Mrs. Guster waved and said her greeting to Maddie before rushing Shawn off the porch and returning inside.

Shawn stood still for a moment, watching his mom climb back into the car before doing the same. It was quiet for a moment, aside from the clambering out seat belts and the low murmur from the radio. Shawn stole a glance at his mom before staring at his feet. He had been late getting out the door and was sure to hear about it. "Four minutes, Shawn. FOUR MINUTES" she said in a deadly calm voice and she pulled out of the Guster's driveway, "I specifically told you to be outside at seven!" She snapped her head towards him, "Are you disobedient or are you just stupid?" When Shawn refused to look at her, she pulled over to the side of the road and grabbed his chin. Pulling him roughly (but not roughly enough to leave a bruise) to face her, she repeated herself. "N-neither.." Shawn stuttered, "th-the time was wrong on the clock.. I didn't know. I-I'm sorry!" He was practically shouting at the end, purely out of anxiety. She pulled her lips tight as she started up the car again, "I guess we'll just have to add another four minutes to our *bonding* time, won't we?" Shawn closed his eyes tight for a brief moment, he should have just stayed home..maybe he really is stupid. As their car sped along the road he closed and opened his hand, each time letting his nails pierce his skin a little longer than the last.

"We're home!" Maddie stated in a sing-song voice to her husband as she opened the door, a secretly hesitant Shawn behind her. Henry smiled, "hey kid, have a good time?" Shawn have him his best fake smile-a damn convincing one- nodded, and left it at that. Maddie gave Henry a kiss on the forehead as he whispered a goodnight to her before turning to Shawn, "go up stairs and start the bath, I'll be up in a minute." Shawn knew what this meant but went up the stairs anyways. "Night dad, I love you!" He yelled it from the top of the staircase and waited for his dad's reply before headed to the bathroom connected to his bedroom.

He knew the drill, make sure he was undressed before his mom got there and she did, don't make any noise. He climbed into the tub and drew his knees to his chest, the nausea growing as he waited for his mother to start their "bonding time" as she put it. He froze up when he heard the footsteps in front of the door, he knew what was coming- it happened every time- but that didn't matter. It was just as horrible as the first time she'd molested him. He remembered every bit of each of their bonding times, he'd never forget them. And that wasn't just because of his photographic memory.

The door knob was turning and Shawn looked up obediently, just as he knew she'd expect. Smiling at Shawn, she closed the door behind her. Shawn closed his eyes tight and heard the click of a lock.


	2. Chapter 2: Monster In My Bed

AN- Thank you for the reviews, follows, favorites, constructive criticism and support! I'm nervous and excited about writing this story because I've never done this before, but those of you who have messaged me have given me a bit of encouragement. And a HUGE thank you to TheShulesLovinPsycho for being my beta. Since I'm writing and posting this on my phone and can't use a computer, this lovely person is going to be making sure I don't screw things up like I did in the first chapter! I'm forever grateful :)

WARNING: A little more graphic than I intended. / Chapter 2- Monster In My Bed

1986

Shawn sat in the windowsill of his bedroom, looking out at the neighborhood. The sun was beginning to set and his mom would be home soon, coming up near bedtime to 'read him a story', which Henry had of course thought Shawn was too old for, but he didn't put a stop to it. Shawn wished he would have. He didn't understand how his father, the almighty detective, didn't see the signs. Didn't realize what his wife was doing to his only son. Shawn's fists curled into balls. He wanted to tell so badly, but no one would believe him. His mother was a psychologist for Pete's sake, she helped people, she made sure that everyone's minds were healthy and happy... Everyone's except Shawn's, of course.

He unraveled his fist and ran his hand through his hair, he was so angry. Angry at his dad for not helping him, for not seeing that he was faking every smile and wise-crack and every positive interaction with his mother. He was angry at himself for not telling, but he had good reason. He knew no one would believe him, and his mom told him she'd destroy him if he even thought about telling anyone. Angry at himself for being able to fool people into believing he was actually okay, not even Gus would be suspicious of his lies most of the time. And anger. No.. More than anger, pure loathing towards his mother for everything she'd ever done to him.

He heard a car door shut and switched his attention on his drive way. Mom was home, and soon he'd have to go down stairs and choke down a meal that made him even sicker after his mom was done with him. Shawn never ate much on days his mom would be home for bed time, he knew what happened beyond his bedroom doors would ultimately leave him throwing up in the toilet. He leaned his head against the cool window and closed his eyes,willing time to stop.

"Shawn, buddy, dinner's ready!" Henry called to his son from downstairs as his wife changed into her home attire. He watched as Shawn slowly creeped down the steps, his eyes darting around the room and landing on his father. His eyes widened slightly when he saw his father staring curiously at him, but he slipped on his charming smile.

"Hey dad, what'd ya cook?" The elder Spencer went on to explain the meal in great detail from how he caught the fish, to the gutting of it, to the various seasonings he put on it. Shawn was glad for the distraction, he even enjoyed hearing his father's story. When he heard the pattering of feet off to the side of the kitchen his lightened mood brought up by his dad evaporated but he kept his smile.

"Hi Mom, guess what, Dad caught a catfish thiiiiis big!" said Shawn, stretching his arms out. She chuckled and kissed her son on the cheek before setting the table. Shawn fought the urge to wipe away the kiss, just in case his father was watching him.

The rest of the meal went by relatively fast, Shawn pushing his food around the plate unnoticed due to his parents lively conversation. He watched his dad, how happy he seemed to be with her. They weren't together very often, their jobs just conflicted too much, but when they were together- it was obvious to see the love there. At least on his father's side, he wasn't sure he believed his mom truly loved his dad, it didn't seem like she was capable of it. A wave of nausea hit Shawn, but he ignored it the best he could. He didn't want to spoil his dad's happy moment, no matter how angry he was with him.

Soon the dishes were cleared, and the Spencer's settled down in front of the TV to watch a few episodes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles before it was time for Shawn to go to sleep. Shawn tried to get into the show but his mind kept drifting to what would be happening within the next hour. It happened in his bedroom now, for he was too old to be taking baths, let alone with the assistance of his mother.

His father was snoring on the couch when his mom told him it was time for bed. He faltered a little, before giving his dad a hug and trudging up the stairs. He heard his father sleepily wish him a good night's sleep, and telling him he loved him. He shook his head in an attempt to keep the tears from coming, his mom would be following him up the stairs in a minute and he was never prepared for it.

"Go on to bed Henry, I'll be up in a few minutes," Maddie said kindly to her husband. He complied and stumbled his way into their bedroom. Madeline made sure that he closed the door before making her way up the stairs to her son's room.

She loved her "bonding time" with Shawn, every reaction he had to her voice and movements left a smile on her face. He deserved everything that happened to him. Shawn had always been a troublemaker from the start, he needed to be punished and the punishments his father and teachers gave him didn't do their job. She knew how to make him think about the things he did, to make him realize that he wasn't as amazing as he thought he was. He needed to learn that he wasn't important, and she knew how to teach him. She smiled as she reached his door, ready to begin the fun.

Shawn's heart dropped into his stomach when he saw the doorknob slowly turn. He contemplated screaming for his dad, feigning a nightmare just so he could get out of the bedtime ritual. But the consequences would be too great if he did, so as he did every time it happened, he took a deep breath and waited for her to slip in the room.

"Hello honey." Mrs. Spencer said, eyeing Shawn as he began to take off his pajamas. Shawn dragged it out as long as he could, fumbling with his pants and letting them collect at his ankles. He looked up at his mother before stepping out of them. She pushed him onto the bed, and Shawn crawled backwards to the headboard.

"You were awfully quiet at dinner, Shawn. What did I tell you about talking? You're just lucky I kept your father engaged enough in our conversation so he didn't notice your little mood." She spit out the last few words like they were poison as he stared fearfully at her.

"I just didn't feel like talking." He pulled at the loose strings on his underwear, wishing that they'd be staying on at least. "And you said it yourself, he didn't notice. So what's the big deal?" Shawn glared at the ground before muttering, "He never notices."

She clicked her tongue before responding. "What's the big deal? The big deal, you little asshole, is that you disobeyed my orders about showing your dad that you're okay. Because he doesn't need to know about what we do, right Shawn?"

Shawn looked down. "Right."

"Now, lean back on the pillows." Maddie said strictly, before climbing onto the bed on top of her son with a smile.

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"Remember, keep your fucking mouth shut. Or I'll make it worse for you tonight."

Shawn blinked rapidly, forcing the tears that were threatening to break through back inside.

He could feel her hands traveling along his torso and down, down, down. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. And another. He counted how long he could hold his breath before letting the air back out, thirty-three seconds. His eyes shot open at the sound of his mother's voice. "Look at me Shawn, you know you deserve this. I want to see your pitiful little face."

He bit back a retort, he knew what she'd do if he talked back to her. His feet still ached from the last time she'd whipped them with her ruler. He knew she hit him there because it didn't leave any scars, well, not on the outside at least.

Shawn forced himself to maintain eye contact with her as she continued. He was going to be sick, staring into her eyes and seeing the pure hatred she had for him made him want to die. He moved his attention to between her hazel eyes, he couldn't stand gazing into them any longer, but at least this way she'd think he was watching her.

His face contorted as she quickened her pace, he hated this. He hated this so much_... Please, just make it_ _stop_...

Her hands left his body, and he twisted to the side into his pillow, shaking and waiting for her to leave. She quickly washed her hands and glided to the door. "Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!" She smirked at him and left the room after turning the lights out and locking the door.

It was then that Shawn let himself finally cry. He picked himself up off the bed, cringing at the wet feeling creeping on him. He slowly walked into his bathroom and flicked on the lights.

_God, I look so pathetic_, Shawn thought weakly as he grabbed some toilet paper and started to wipe himself off. He wanted nothing more than to take a shower and wash away the shame, but his bathroom was directly above his parents' bedroom and knew his father would question him as to why he was taking a shower again that night. He leaned against the wall, letting himself slide down to the floor with a soft thump. He dug his nails into his thighs, and sighed before dipping his head down onto his knees. He felt so ugly, looking into the mirror he could see what his mom saw in him. Useless, a stupid little kid who only got on people's nerves. The tears poured down his face and he clawed at his hair.

He attempted to control his quickening breath, to just calm down. The calm feeling was gone too quickly for Shawn, replaced by one of nausea. He threw himself at the toilet, he couldn't hold it back anymore. After emptying the contents of his stomach, he laid down on the cold tiled floor. He stayed there for quite a while, he hadn't even bothered to wash the vomit out of his mouth. Eventually he got up, brushed his teeth and went back into his room. He turned on the light to asses the damage on his bed. His body ached as a cleared the sheets from his twin mattress and reached under the bed for another set. He'd started keeping an extra one for situations like this.

After he hid the ruined sheets at the bottom of his laundry basket, he allowed himself to relax a little bit. Mom would be working late all week, and he would be going to Gus' every day after school.

Shawn stared at his bed with disgust a little while longer before his tiredness won and he climbed into the blankets. He laid there, facing the now open window and slowly drifted off into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you again for the support! I truly appreciate it and hope that I can continue to entertain y'all. Please review (constructive criticism is always welcome), I'd like to hear what you think about the story, what kind of things you may want to see/have addressed and anything else you'd like to comment on.

Thank you to my beta, TheShulesLovinPsycho for editing my mistakes even though we ship different couples ;P

Disclaimer because apparently I forgot about these: I don't own the show, characters or anything else you recognize. Just the plot.

/

Chapter 3: We Don't Need No Education, We Just Want To Play

1986

Shawn woke up in a cold sweat, the memories of the night before washing over him. He groaned lightly before opening his eyes, the sun was barely rising and it was already too bright. He clambered out of bed slowly, glancing at the clock on his bedside table. 6:34 AM, his dad would be yelling for him soon. He let out a loud yawn before making his way towards the bathroom, ready to take that long-awaited shower he'd been craving. He purposely avoided looking at himself in the mirror as he opened the shower curtain and turned the knob towards 'hot', aching to wash away his grime and shame of the previous night. He felt the water on his arm before stripping down and slipping into the shower.

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"Shawn! It's time to go!" Henry Spencer yelled from the bottom of the stairs. He'd been waiting for five minutes past their usual leaving time and he was getting quite impatient. Just as he was about to call for his son again, he appeared at the top of the staircase.

"Sorry, Dad. I dozed off in the shower." Shawn said truthfully, he had a habit of doing that in the mornings. Henry all but ignored the comment, rushing him out the door and telling him it would be his fault if they were both late. Shawn didn't argue, he just hopped in his dad's truck and buckled up, ready to go to school and forget about everything.

The ride was quiet, a comfortable silence that only occurred when they rode in the car. They both liked to listen to the morning talk shows. Shawn let a real smile cross his face, he liked normalcy like this. These moments with his father, when he wasn't being lectured or playing games like 'How many hats?' or being manipulated by his mother... They were perfect to him. Shawn felt the car slow down to a stop and he realized they'd already arrived at his school.

"I'll pick you up from Gus' at seven-ish, alright?" His father said as he unlocked the passenger-side door.

"Okay, see you later Dad!" He replied before climbing out of the truck.

Shawn looked around the mass crowd for the shiny head of his best friend, ready to spend the day goofing off with him. _These lessons with dad are really paying off_. he thought as he spotted Gus through all of the other children.

"Hey Gus, what's up?" Shawn greeted as he put his arm out for a fist bump.

"Just waiting for your late butt" He retorted, faking annoyance before he continued, "You're still coming to my house today, right?"

Shawn nodded as they began to walk towards the entrance of their school, "Yeah, my dad is going to pick me up later on tonight."

Gus didn't have a chance to respond before the warning bell rang out. He and Shawn bolted for their classroom, not because they really feared being late (well, maybe Gus did) but because it was fun to see who could beat the other to the doorway of Mr. Patterson's class. Shawn tried to ignore the lingering pain in his feet from the many nights before and ran as fast as he could.

"I totally beat you, Shawn!" Gus exclaimed proudly, turning to face his buddy. Only Shawn wasn't behind him rolling his eyes as he'd expected him to do. Gus spotted him by a locker, holding his right foot with a look of pain etched on his normally smiley face. At first he thought maybe Shawn was faking it as an excuse for losing, but the emotion was too real.

Gus rushed over to him, "Shawn! Are you okay?"

"Uh.. Yeah, I just.. hit my foot running around the corner." Shawn lied through his teeth. The bell rang as Shawn picked himself off the ground and smiled to his friend.

Gus was going to question his friend further but Mr. Patterson called out impatiently, "BURTON! SHAWN! Hurry up and get in here! Class is about to start!"

With panic covering Gus' features and both annoyance and relief covering Shawn's, they sprinted towards their classroom.

The chatter around the room died down as their teacher followed the nearly-late duo through the threshold. Shawn and Gus slipped into their seats as Mr. Patterson began to write the agenda of the day on the blackboard.

Mr. Patterson wrote "Two paragraph essay" on the board and a collective groan echoed from each side of the four brick walls that held them.

Their teacher passed out papers with the prompt on them and Shawn glanced towards a smiling Gus_. He would like having to write an essay_.

He looked down at his paper to see which topic he would be writing about today.

_Write about a time you were scared, and how you dealt with the fear_.

Shawn huffed out a breath in frustration, he could *definitely* write a few stories for this one, but everything he thought of had to do with his mother.

He decided to write about something less serious, his fear of vampire-rabbits taking over the world. He knew his teacher would probably scoff at his "no care in the world, never serious, attention-hog" personality that he was known so well for, but hey, Shawn created that front for a reason.

Shawn had just laid his pencil down when the bell rang. He and Gus packed up their bags and turned in their papers before heading in opposite directions.

"See you at lunch, bud." Shawn called out before rounding the corner, heading to his math class. Math was his least favorite class, simply because Gus wasn't in it. Luckily it was only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Shawn listened in at random intervals during the class, not particularly caring about what his teacher was saying. He closed his eyes and propped his head on his hand, waiting for the class to end.

"I hold 4 coins. They total 61 cents. What coins do I have?" The peppy voice intruded in on his thoughts and Shawn rolled his eyes. They'd already learned about this last year, he didn't know why they had to go over it in third grade as well.

Lunch came and passed, as did the rest of the school day and Shawn practically skipped out of the double doors, ready to go to the Gusters' and play.

They saw Mrs. Guster waiting for them in her car, just as ready to get home as the kids were. Tossing their bags on the floor the scrambled into the van and told Gus' mom about what they learned that day.

The ride was short and soon they were heading up the stairs to Gus' bedroom.

"I'm so glad we didn't have homework dude." Shawn commented as he pulled his wrestler action figure out of his back pack. Gus grabbed his own from under the bed before nodding his head in agreement.

The few hours passed by with a mixture of laughing, joking, pretend fighting and real fighting when one thought the other was cheating.

Soon they heard the familiar sound of Shawn's father's voice talking to the Gusters.

"Dang. I guess we'll have to finish our Super Wrestle-mania tomorrow." Gus said sadly as Shawn packed up his toy.

"Don't worry Gussy-Wussy, I'll beat you tomorrow!" He replied with a smirk.

"Don't call me that, Shawn. And you _know_ I'm the one who always wins!"

Shawn kept his smile as they took their time on the stairs, neither really ready to stop hanging out.

"Ah, there you are boys. We didn't think you two were coming down." Shawn looked at Gus' dad as he spoke, seeing the ever so slight look of exasperation. Maybe they took longer walking downstairs than he'd realized.

"Come on Shawnee, I've got to stop back at the station real quick and then we can go grab something to eat." Henry said as he politely said his goodbyes to the family.

The smile still hadn't left Shawn's face as he settled into the passenger seat, he figured his dad would probably make him play the hat game when they got to the restaurant but he didn't care.

Tonight he would be free from his mother's hands and that's all that mattered.


	4. Chapter 4: All Good Things Must End

A/N: Thank you for continuing to read! I appreciate reviews, follows and favorites. I'm sorry that the days I update aren't on a set schedule, but when I finish a chapter I still have to send it to my beta for editing and life can get in the way! Just know that I truly want to continue this story and eventually move past the childhood/teen years of Shawn and into his adult life. If you have anything you want me to address in this fic please let me know!

Also, this chapter was sickening to write because I had to imagine what happened to him even though I wrote down much less graphic details. I need to go read fluffy Fanfics now.

It's been suggested by my awesome beta that i change the rating to M, I'm not familiar with the rating scales so i trust my beta!

Thank you to my beta: TheShulesLovinPsycho !

Please read & review..

/

Chapter 4: All Good Things Must Come To An End

1986

Shawn and his father rumbled down the now wet road at a steady pace, they had just left Gus' house when the rain started pouring down. It was Thursday, only two more days until his mother would be back for bedtime. It had been nice while it lasted, and he was grateful for the days he'd spent without worrying about what would happen in the week had been nice, school went by quickly and without homework, he and Gus played for hours on end and his dad only made him test his talents a few times. He just wished it didn't have to end.

The brown-haired child rested his head against the window, listening to the thick droplets of water beat against the glass. The radio DJs' voices filled the car and kept a light mood on the otherwise darkening day. Shawn shifted his gaze to his dad who was now chuckling at Crock Daniels' story. The corners of his lips twitched upwards at the sight of his dad, finally relaxed and not shouting every few seconds at something Shawn had done.

"Are you alright?" Henry asked, catching his son's lingering eyes on him.

Shawn was startled, he blinked a few times before responding, "Yeah, I'm actually pretty tired though. Me and Gus played 'firemen' today and I had to put out a two-story building, talk about exhausting!"

Henry smiled at the imagination of the kids before turning serious, "Wait.. Firemen? What about cops?"

Shawn sighed, he should have known his father would chastise him on his choice of make-believe. "Yes, firemen. They're cool, dad! They put out flames and get to rescue people _and _slide down a giant pole!"

Henry rolled his eyes at the last comment. "Police officers save people too, Shawn. Hell, we protect people from the need to be saved. Don't you want to be a detective one day like your old man?" Henry asked, somewhat offended.

"Not really, no." Shawn said quietly with a flinch, he didn't want to have this conversation and ruin the good mood but his father needed to know that just because the elder Spencer was a cop doesn't mean he had to be one as well.

Henry shook his head but said no more, choosing to listen to the radio instead. Shawn went back to the window and watched the blurry outlines of houses and trees pass by, they were almost home. He knew he'd disappointed his dad, but it's not like his dad hadn't done the same to him many times before.

The car came to a stop and Henry shifted it to 'park' before following Shawn's lead and unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Come on kid. Let's get some food ready, you're mom is actually getting home early tonight." Henry closed the driver's side door as he spoke.

Shawn froze in place on his side of the car. A chorus of 'no's' rang throughout his head, he did not want to see her.. Henry was nearing the door when Shawn snapped out of it and glumly went towards his father. He sighed lightly, and forced a smile onto his tired face as his dad faced him.

"I didn't know she'd be home so early." He said simply, no hurt or anger showing.

Henry nodded, "Me either, but one of her clients cancelled so we get mama bear for the night!"

Shawn walked through the threshold and into their living room, passing his father without responding. He almost scoffed at the 'mama bear' nickname. It fit her fairly well, she ripped people apart and held no guilty conscience for doing so. Shawn walked up the stairs to his bedroom, setting down his backpack near the now closed door and then plopping down on his bed.

Another sigh slipped out of his mouth, but he refused to let the tears that he felt forming come out as well. He could feel the anxiety bubbling up inside of his chest, it was overwhelming. His hands found their way to his hair, and his head to his knees. He sat like that for a while, his thoughts consuming him.

_I should have known I wouldn't have a full week without her._

_I wish I could just tell someone...but who would believe me?_

_Mom's right. I deserve everytging she does to me._

He slowly lifted his head, and placed his arms around his legs, hugging them tightly. He didn't stray from that position until his dad's voice travelled up the stairs, creeping into his room and bringing reality back. He screwed his eyes shut and opened them again before pushing himself off the bed.

The youngest Spencer made his way down the stairs, listening for any indication that his mother had arrived. Nothing yet.

He jumped over the last step and pounced into the kitchen, where his father was taking meatloaf out of the oven. Shawn's eyes flickered over the side-dishes, mashed potatoes and green beans. The smallest smile presented itself on Shawn's face, this was his favorite meal.

"Can you set the table, bud?" His dad asked as he sliced the meatloaf into perfectly even pieces. Shawn picked up the plates and silverware and made his way to the rounded rectangular table just outside of the kitchen area.

After laying everything down and pouring milk into each glass, he sat down in his seat and ate delicately, not wanting to have too much food in his stomach. He wanted to eat more, to actually enjoy the food, but he couldn't. He waited for his mom to come home, a growing pain in his stomach becoming his main focus. His father opted to wait until Maddie arrived to eat, but let Shawn because he needed to go to bed soon and waiting up for the female Spencer could always take longer than intended.

"I'm finished, dad. Can I go upstairs?" Shawn asked, gulping down the last of his milk.

Henry did a double-take at his son, not once in his child's life did he ever ask to go to bed _early._

"You.. _want _to go to bed early?" He was honestly dumbfounded. Shawn winced slightly before looking at his dad, "Um, yeah. I'm really tired."

Henry felt his son's forehead and cheeks as he spoke, "Are you feeling okay?" Shawn nodded and his father sputtered a little bit, still confused.

"Yeah go ahead, I guess. I'll tell your mom you were too tired to stay up."

Shawn nodded again and hugged his father before climbing the stairs two at a time.

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Shawn heard the front door open and close, signaling his mother's arrival. He was tucked into his bed, pretending to be asleep and waiting for what was sure to come.

Quiet murmuring could be heard throughout the home, his father had probably informed his mother of his strange behavior prior to her homecoming and he'd started regretting his decision.

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Acting strange was a sign that something was wrong, and if Henry were to pry he just might find out what she's been doing to her son.

Maddie smiled at her husband to show acknowledgment as he talked about his day at the station, it had been rather boring and involved mostly paperwork. She responded at appropriate times but was hardly paying attention, all she could focus on was the empty seat beside her. Shawn was hiding from her and she didn't like it one bit.

_That little twerp_, she thought angrily, _He's letting his guard down and making Henry suspicious._

"-work?" Madeline tuned back into the conversation.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I asked you how work was." Henry stated, one eyebrow quirked. "Everything okay?"

She smiled reassuringly at her husband, "Of course, Honey. It was just a long day today, I had an appointment at a station a couple towns over and the officers weren't too happy to speak with me."

Henry nodded, knowing exactly how those officers felt. It wasn't a great experience being evaluated.

Time passed quickly as they chatted, but Maddie was growing more agitated by the second. And then her saving grace came in the form of a phone call.

"Henry Spencer here."

"It should be in the records room already."

"Okay, I'll be right in Chief."

Henry sighed and turned to his wife as he hung up the home phone, "I have to go in for a bit and find a case file that is apparently important, so much so that they managed to lose it." Sarcasm dripped from his words and he kissed his wife before going to change.

"I think I'll go make sure Shawnee is tucked in, and then I'm ready to get some shut-eye. Don't be back too late" She spoke warmly, leaving Henry to his business.

.

.

.

He'd heard the phone ring, but couldn't tell who answered it. Soon there was the sound of the front door closing, Shawn wouldn't risk going to the window to check who'd left.

The pitter-patter of footsteps made their way to his room, too light to be his father's. He closed his eyes once more, and he breathed at an even pace, hoping that maybe, just maybe, his mother would leave him alone for the night.

The door opened and closed gently, as not to draw attention. "Get up, Shawn. I know you're awake." There was malice in her words, she was beyond mad.

Shawn laid still, he knew he'd gotten himself in trouble and that he was worsening it right now but he **couldn't** move. She grabbed his arm and yanked him upwards, her nails digging into his shoulder area.

Shawn gasped in pain as she released her grip, his uninjured arm finding its way to the other.

"What. The. Hell. is wrong with you?" She glared at him.

Shawn shrank back, "I.. I was tired.I didn't know dad would think something was up.. I didn't think you would be mad." That was a lie, he knew she would be mad.. But he hadn't cared in the moment.

"Please, mommy, just let me go to sleep. I promise I won't do this again!" His voice quivered, the desperation taking over.

"Oh! You won't do it again? Maybe you shouldn't have done it in the first place!" Maddie spoke the words in a mocking tone, her son was pitiful.

She reached and grasped his hair firmly before pulling back roughly. Shawn nearly yelped out of pain, but managed to control himself. A previously unshed tear made its way down his cheek as Maddie yanked him by the hair again. This time though, she brought him towards her.

With a wicked smile, she grabbed Shawn's chin and pulled him into a forceful kiss. Shawn immediately threw his head back, ready to vomit.

"Please don't! Please mom, I don't want to do this. I promise I'll behave!"

She frowned and grabbed his face again, "Shut up. I don't want to hear another word from you, do you understand?"

Shawn nodded and closed his eyes wishing he were somewhere else.

_This is wrong._

Shawn's lips hurt, and he felt as though his chin had broken in two.

_I'm going to throw up..._

Maddie let go of Shawn's mouth and pulled back. He opened his eyes fearfully and wished he hadn't.

She undid the zipper on her slacks and pulled the pants down before getting back onto the twin bed. Grabbing Shawn's hand, she looked him in the eye before guiding him to her. .

.

.

.

.

Shawn sat with his back against the tub in his bathroom, his face void of any emotion. She'd left long ago, he'd heard the shower run and stop. He heard his father come home and retreat to their bedroom.

Shawn still didn't move when he heard his dad's loud snoring, or when his eyes started to droop as the exhaustion kicked in. He didn't want to lay in his bed, the memory of what he'd done haunting him.

He slowly slid from his position on the tub, sleep taking over. He slept there all night, not caring in the slightest that it was cold, tiled floor.

.

.

.

.

He awoke to bile in his throat and the shrill beeping of his alarm clock. He'd considered just letting it continue to siren off, but he couldn't stand the noise.

He stood and stretched before opening the bathroom door and heading to his bedside table. He slapped his hand down on the button and silence took over.

Shawn glanced toward his bed briefly before heading back to the restroom. Another shower was much needed, and he didn't have much time until it was time to leave. He inspected his shoulder for brushing or cuts but as usual, there were none. She knew how to get away with it. He sighed and stepped out of the shower.

Soon he was walking down the stairs, greeting his father and rushing out the door to the truck. He attempted to push his thoughts to the back of his mind and focus on the cars they were passing.

_Today is going to be a long day,_ he thought, resigning to the bad memory that kept replaying in his head.


End file.
